The hunger struck at 10:45 p.m. last night. I confessed my need to best friend and roommate Mike, a.k.a McKllelan, who revealed a similar yearning for sustenance. Being bachelors, a quick search of the fridge revealed a barren place devoid of food, a situation we encounter all too often as unmarried men. Feeling let down by the vacant nature of our food storage device, we decided to quest for satiety in the outside world. By 11:00 we were on the road, Burger King cupons in hand.
As we drove through the snow--yes, it was snowing yet again--an ingenious revelation hit my brain like lightning; the yearning that drove us outside that cold winters eve could never be satisfied by the flame broiled offerings of the King. No, such a feat of pallet fulfillment could only be tackled by the zesty spice of Del Taco! We drove past Burger King without second thought. Del Taco called to us, a modern day Siren with a voice as alluring as the bird-women of yore.
As we neared Del Taco, the building now in sight, I told Mike that I wanted to eat inside. He laughed at the odd request. Everyone knows that you don't eat inside Del Taco after seven at night. (For the unlearned, eating inside a Del Taco after the sun has set is like putting Mayo on a hot dog; it can be done, but its weird.) Despite the strangeness of the appeal, Michael, always a gentleman, acquiesced and parked the car. We entered, ordered, paid, sat down at a booth with burritos and tacos in hand, and enjoyed.
Half way through the meal, Mike pointed to the paper lining our respective trays and asked, "Have you read this?" I shook my head to communicate the negative. "Read it," he ordered, "I guarantee you will feel inspired." I laughed (when was the last time you were inspired by fast food literature?), and obediently read.
Mike, demonstrating his usual inhuman wisdom, was right. The message, although nothing more than a corporate piece of advertising, was downright fantastic. It became the inspiration for this post and my motto for the evening. It may even be my motto for the year...and beyond.
I have included an excerpt from the piece, with some additions of my own following.
ODE TO THE BOLD
Here's to the pioneers. To the inventor of the belly flop. To the one who added "mosh" to pit. To the first to look a bull in the eyes and say, "Yeah, I'm gonna ride that. And with one hand." Here's to the uninhibited. The 20 below zero, body-painted sport fanatic. The lovers that honor one another with tattoos. The streakers, and the mooners. Here's to the BRAVE. To those who can't karaoke, but karaoke anyway. To those who've shaved off their own eyebrow, just cause. Or objected at a wedding that needed an objection (thank you, thank you, thank you). Here's to the rule breakers. The fighters trying to bring the handlebar mustache back into fashion. Any couple who's ever been banned from a mall photo booth. And all the 4's out there who married a 10.
Hallelujah!!!! My favorite is the "4's" that married a "10." Awesome.
After reading Del Taco's message I was inspired. Mike was a little shocked at just how thrilled I was. The thing is, I couldn't help it. That short paragraph embodied a spirit, all too uncommon in the life of the average person, I have grown to admire deeply. I have a few things to add.
Here's to those that measure success by kindness and love, not money. At the same time, here is to the first person to drop out of school and become a millionaire. Here's to those more concerned about the people making the product than the product itself. Here's to shenanigans, to the first person to blow up a toilet with a cherry bomb. To the first man to wrestle an alligator. Here's to individuals that refuse labels, that are not a "conservative, moderate, or Liberal." To those willing to love and marry outside their own race, culture, religion, and nationality. Here's to men and women that understand real love is giving someone else the power to shatter your heart completely...and doing it anyway. To those more concerned about decency than church, the mosque, the synagogue, or sanctuary. To those that question all forms of authority. Here's to breaking the speed limit. To eating too much ice cream. Here's to recognizing the ideology of your youth and forming a better one, to the chagrin of family, friends, church, and state. To recognizing that people are more important than rules, love more important than being right. Here is to loving your country and still being able to critique it. To the people that ignored their naysayers...and proved them wrong over and over again. Here's to the friends, family, and neighbors I have that refuse to let any person, organization, or government, do their thinking for them.
Here is to love without condition. Here's to less rules, and more self governance, less dependence and more self reliance. To loving more and condemning less.
I hope that anyone reading this will think less about things we are "supposed" to do and start doing things we need to do.
On a personal note, I have spent the last two years learning to break the rules. During that time I have been through some of the most painful and difficult experiences of my life. The last two years have also been the best and most rewarding so far. I did a lot of stupid things, which I have learned from, and a lot of "bad" things that ended up dramatically improving my life.
I'm not here to say all rules are bad or need to be broken. Many rules protect us and grant a level of freedom and safety impossible without them. I'm not saying that being part of a body of people, be it friends, nation, church, or club, is bad. These groups are often some of the most wonderful parts of our life. I have one simple message; think for yourself. If there are rules imposed in your life by others that you don't understand or do not make sense, than those rules are probably bologna. Break them. There is always the chance that doing so will be a mistake, but breaking them could well be the best thing you have ever done. You will never know unless you try. It was for me. I've broken a lot of rules lately, and the good that came out of it has exceeded the bad by ten times. 2008 was one of the best years of my life. Sometimes breaking the rules is the best decision you can make.
You can't avoid making mistakes, so I implore you to remember a great quote:
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm!"
Good luck!
Long live Del Taco!
Kory
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Civil Marriage and Gay Marriage: The Irony of Religion in American Politics
The following is an old essay of mine written over a year ago as a student in a college level Communication and Gender class. I'm posting it out of a desire to add my thoughts to a current ideological debate.
Please know that while I am a supporter of gay and transgender rights, my primary intent in the creation of this essay was to promote American ideals of equality. I am, above all, a patriot and believer in democracy and support any government that places its power in the hands of the people it serves.
Civil Marriage: The Irony of Religion in Modern American Politics
To deny anyone their constitutional rights to equality and the pursuit of happiness associated with civil marriage, for strictly religious reasons, when no other reasonable justification can be found, is to blatantly oppose the founding ideologies of religious freedom and individual equality that American law is based upon. In fact, it is hypocritical.
The attempts of the ultra-conservative religious to deny civil liberties, in the form of civil marriage, to gay, bisexual, or transgendered individuals, is religious restraint on a civil matter. If “all men are created equal” with “unalienable rights,” as stated by Continental Congress in the Declaration of Independence, then it is wrong, according to American beliefs of universal equality, to prevent the marriage of same sex or transgendered couples. Whether or not one believes that homosexuality is a sin based on personal religious views is inconsequential in a civil rights issue. In the words of Thomas Jefferson, “Our civil rights have no dependence on religious opinions.” More importantly, in an 1807 letter to colleague George Hay the founding father declared “An equal application of law to every condition of man is fundamental.” Our rights as Americans are based on our humanity, not our sexuality.
The idea of permitted religious restraint on a civil matter should be terrifying to any American, regardless of personal religious opinion, sexual orientation, or class. If the constitution is altered to legalize discrimination against a certain group, in this case those living an alternative lifestyle, what other changes may follow and what other forms of legalized discrimination and oppression will one day rear their ugly head? If the integrity of the Constitution is altered, along with its ability to defend complete equality for all Americans, it will become a useless document, changed on the whims of those in power to suit their needs or beliefs at the time. When the rights of one group can be constitutionally or legally taken away, all others have reason to fear. Either the constitution remains in force, as it is now, or its power to protect human liberties is made void and immaterial.
Before the United States became a nation, many who would contribute to our spiritual and civil legacies fled Europe for American shores. Religious reformation had swept the western world and millions of Europeans were seeking spiritual fulfillment alternative to that offered by the Catholic Church and Church of England. Facing legally sanctioned discrimination, oppression, and even death, based solely on religious point of view, countless Europeans risked their lives, and those of their families, to cross the Atlantic and come to America and establish a land where religion and government were separate. Recognizing that political control of religion, or religious control of politics, would inevitably result in discrimination and oppression, a government was created “by the people, for the people,” that guaranteed the complete spiritual and political freedom of every American.
Today, the ideals of those founding members of our nation are in danger. Under a banner of religious “righteousness,” large portions of Americans are seeking to use religious faith as a basis for denying equality to other Americans. It is ironic, even hypocritical, that many of those whose religions exist and flourish in America because of the separation of church and state now seek to dissolve said separation. Instead, strictly on religious grounds, they seek to use their beliefs as a tool to control politics. It is their goal to destroy the very laws that saved their own beliefs from persecution in the early days of our nation. To any thinking person this is obviously un-American. What was stated above deserves to be stated again: Whether you believe homosexuality is a sin or not is inconsequential in a civil rights issue. Either all Americans have equal rights, or nobody does. There is no legal justification for discrimination, and for the sake of all Americans, religion must stay out of politics.
The following quote by Laura Montgomery Rutt, the Director of Communications for Soulforce, pointedly illustrates that the legalization of alternative civil marriage is not forcing politics into religion:
"What many people seem to forget is that the rights of civil marriage and the religious ritual of marriage are two different things. Because we have freedom of religion in this country, houses of worship can decide for themselves which rituals they will perform…(regardless of political legislation)…It is not the government’s task to enshrine one religious definition of marriage into the Constitution, thereby undermining the Establishment Clause and destroying our most basic tenet of religious liberty."
Allowing the beliefs of certain conservative religious bodies to influence politically granted rights not only destroys the delicate balance maintained in the separation of church and government, but also forces other religions, many of which support universal civil marriage rights, to concede to specific beliefs not their own. Denying the civil rights of marriage, based solely on the religious opinion of certain powerful sects, eventually and inevitably results in the oppression of other religions of differing views.
The argument has been made that marriages and civil unions are conducted and created by state governments and operate with authority separate from the federal government. Therefore, in accordance with said thought, the decision on universal marriage and civil union rights can only be made on a state by state level and are not protected by the umbrella of the federal Constitution.
Initially, the argument for state by state determination on the rights of marriage and civil union might seem plausible, however, refutation is found upon further examination of the Constitution of the United States. The fourteenth amendment clearly dictates; “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.” By law, state constitutions must be in compliance with the U.S. Constitution, and if the goal of the U.S. Constitution is to promote the equality of American Citizens, any restrictions placed on marriage or civil union rights, by any state, violates the Constitution.
The United States of America is a nation founded on the principles of equality and guaranteed rights for its citizens. To deny the universal application of any right to any person or group is un-American. There are no exceptions to equality. Either every American is equal, or none are.
Jefferson, Thomas. Declaration of Independence. Pennsylvania: Continental Congress, July 4th 1776
Jefferson, Thomas, The Virginia Act For Establishing Religious Freedom, 1786
The Constitution of the United States of America
Rutt, Laura Montgomery,
http://www.now.org/issues/marriage/marriage_religion_factsheet.pdf
Please know that while I am a supporter of gay and transgender rights, my primary intent in the creation of this essay was to promote American ideals of equality. I am, above all, a patriot and believer in democracy and support any government that places its power in the hands of the people it serves.
Civil Marriage: The Irony of Religion in Modern American Politics
To deny anyone their constitutional rights to equality and the pursuit of happiness associated with civil marriage, for strictly religious reasons, when no other reasonable justification can be found, is to blatantly oppose the founding ideologies of religious freedom and individual equality that American law is based upon. In fact, it is hypocritical.
The attempts of the ultra-conservative religious to deny civil liberties, in the form of civil marriage, to gay, bisexual, or transgendered individuals, is religious restraint on a civil matter. If “all men are created equal” with “unalienable rights,” as stated by Continental Congress in the Declaration of Independence, then it is wrong, according to American beliefs of universal equality, to prevent the marriage of same sex or transgendered couples. Whether or not one believes that homosexuality is a sin based on personal religious views is inconsequential in a civil rights issue. In the words of Thomas Jefferson, “Our civil rights have no dependence on religious opinions.” More importantly, in an 1807 letter to colleague George Hay the founding father declared “An equal application of law to every condition of man is fundamental.” Our rights as Americans are based on our humanity, not our sexuality.
The idea of permitted religious restraint on a civil matter should be terrifying to any American, regardless of personal religious opinion, sexual orientation, or class. If the constitution is altered to legalize discrimination against a certain group, in this case those living an alternative lifestyle, what other changes may follow and what other forms of legalized discrimination and oppression will one day rear their ugly head? If the integrity of the Constitution is altered, along with its ability to defend complete equality for all Americans, it will become a useless document, changed on the whims of those in power to suit their needs or beliefs at the time. When the rights of one group can be constitutionally or legally taken away, all others have reason to fear. Either the constitution remains in force, as it is now, or its power to protect human liberties is made void and immaterial.
Before the United States became a nation, many who would contribute to our spiritual and civil legacies fled Europe for American shores. Religious reformation had swept the western world and millions of Europeans were seeking spiritual fulfillment alternative to that offered by the Catholic Church and Church of England. Facing legally sanctioned discrimination, oppression, and even death, based solely on religious point of view, countless Europeans risked their lives, and those of their families, to cross the Atlantic and come to America and establish a land where religion and government were separate. Recognizing that political control of religion, or religious control of politics, would inevitably result in discrimination and oppression, a government was created “by the people, for the people,” that guaranteed the complete spiritual and political freedom of every American.
Today, the ideals of those founding members of our nation are in danger. Under a banner of religious “righteousness,” large portions of Americans are seeking to use religious faith as a basis for denying equality to other Americans. It is ironic, even hypocritical, that many of those whose religions exist and flourish in America because of the separation of church and state now seek to dissolve said separation. Instead, strictly on religious grounds, they seek to use their beliefs as a tool to control politics. It is their goal to destroy the very laws that saved their own beliefs from persecution in the early days of our nation. To any thinking person this is obviously un-American. What was stated above deserves to be stated again: Whether you believe homosexuality is a sin or not is inconsequential in a civil rights issue. Either all Americans have equal rights, or nobody does. There is no legal justification for discrimination, and for the sake of all Americans, religion must stay out of politics.
The following quote by Laura Montgomery Rutt, the Director of Communications for Soulforce, pointedly illustrates that the legalization of alternative civil marriage is not forcing politics into religion:
"What many people seem to forget is that the rights of civil marriage and the religious ritual of marriage are two different things. Because we have freedom of religion in this country, houses of worship can decide for themselves which rituals they will perform…(regardless of political legislation)…It is not the government’s task to enshrine one religious definition of marriage into the Constitution, thereby undermining the Establishment Clause and destroying our most basic tenet of religious liberty."
Allowing the beliefs of certain conservative religious bodies to influence politically granted rights not only destroys the delicate balance maintained in the separation of church and government, but also forces other religions, many of which support universal civil marriage rights, to concede to specific beliefs not their own. Denying the civil rights of marriage, based solely on the religious opinion of certain powerful sects, eventually and inevitably results in the oppression of other religions of differing views.
The argument has been made that marriages and civil unions are conducted and created by state governments and operate with authority separate from the federal government. Therefore, in accordance with said thought, the decision on universal marriage and civil union rights can only be made on a state by state level and are not protected by the umbrella of the federal Constitution.
Initially, the argument for state by state determination on the rights of marriage and civil union might seem plausible, however, refutation is found upon further examination of the Constitution of the United States. The fourteenth amendment clearly dictates; “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.” By law, state constitutions must be in compliance with the U.S. Constitution, and if the goal of the U.S. Constitution is to promote the equality of American Citizens, any restrictions placed on marriage or civil union rights, by any state, violates the Constitution.
The United States of America is a nation founded on the principles of equality and guaranteed rights for its citizens. To deny the universal application of any right to any person or group is un-American. There are no exceptions to equality. Either every American is equal, or none are.
Jefferson, Thomas. Declaration of Independence. Pennsylvania: Continental Congress, July 4th 1776
Jefferson, Thomas, The Virginia Act For Establishing Religious Freedom, 1786
The Constitution of the United States of America
Rutt, Laura Montgomery,
http://www.now.org/issues/marriage/marriage_religion_factsheet.pdf
Real Love Vs. Movie Love: Unrealistic Expectations
I read a FANTASTIC article today on the BBC news site at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm.
I strongly recommend that everyone visit the page and check it out.
The article describes a study, undertaken by experts at Heriot Watt University, to determine the effects of viewing Romantic Comedies on real life relationships. Please see the article itself if you wish to see how the experiment was conducted, on my blog I am only going to discuss the results.
I will start with a disclaimer; I enjoy romantic comedies and am not in any way trying to attack the film niche! I am one of those (rare?) men that actively watches comedic romances and even regularly chooses them for personal viewing over different genres. I have, however, often pondered what the effect of all these "happily ever after" stories was on myself and others.
The answers just might now be coming and the results are not good. The BBC article details that people, particularly couples, that regularly watch Romantic Comedies often have unrealistic expectations. According to Dr. Bjarne Holmes, "Marriage counselors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.
I strongly recommend that everyone visit the page and check it out.
The article describes a study, undertaken by experts at Heriot Watt University, to determine the effects of viewing Romantic Comedies on real life relationships. Please see the article itself if you wish to see how the experiment was conducted, on my blog I am only going to discuss the results.
I will start with a disclaimer; I enjoy romantic comedies and am not in any way trying to attack the film niche! I am one of those (rare?) men that actively watches comedic romances and even regularly chooses them for personal viewing over different genres. I have, however, often pondered what the effect of all these "happily ever after" stories was on myself and others.
The answers just might now be coming and the results are not good. The BBC article details that people, particularly couples, that regularly watch Romantic Comedies often have unrealistic expectations. According to Dr. Bjarne Holmes, "Marriage counselors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.
"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.
"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realize."
To paraphrase Dr. Holmes, Disney endings can create unrealistic expectations in viewers that are then placed on relationships and partners.
It is my humble opinion that we make our lives happy, not fate, predestined love, or our respective significant others. Finding someone special to share our lives with can be one of the most rewarding endeavors of our lives, but thinking that said relationship or person will magically provide us with permanent happiness is an illusion. A good relationship isn't flowers and incredible sex every day, its love through the ins and outs of real life. In the physical world we live in people get tired, sick, grumpy, hungry, hurt, and impatient. A real relationship is one that understands that romance, although wonderful, HAS to take a back door to the necessities of life. Romance shouldn't be allowed to die in any relationship, but bills must be paid, food put on the table, shelter obtained, illnesses treated, children cared for etc... before the flowers, chocolates, sex, and intimate conversations.
Each of us is a real human being, not a character in a Disney production or Drew Barrymore flick. Although these movies can temporarily--and gratefully--lift our spirits, we need to recognize the difference between a ninety minute movie and a seventy-five year life. When the movie ends the story is complete. In real life we get out of our seats, leave the the theater, and go home to do the dishes and take out the garbage. That doesn't mean we can't have or find real love or happiness, it simply means we have to keep our expectations of love, and life, in perspective.
I hope we all find real love... and have the brains to recognize the real thing.
Cheers!
Kory
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