The Charade

It's no secret that I have a love/hate relationship with social media, yet I frequently use sites like Blogger, Facebook, and Google+. On the "love" side the convenience is unchallenged; I can communicate with almost anyone from my past without difficulty in a matter of moments. Even better, I can see how loved ones near and far are doing as well as get updates on their daily lives.

But is that really the case?

And thus the "hate" side of the relationship comes out to play. When I look at a friend's Facebook profile and then compare their online persona to what I know to be true on a personal level, the incongruencies are often flagrant. Now, I by no means feel that every person using social media is a faker, but most of us certainly use these social tools to at least reinforce, if not altogether create, a picture of us that is somehow "more" or, at least in some ways, "better" than the real person.

Lord knows I do. I do it all the time.

Confession: I absolutely do use my FaceBook profile and other social media websites to create an image of me that I feel is more palatable, more appealing, more...acceptable than the real me. And sometimes I just want to punch myself for doing it.

Take a gander at me on Facebook. My profile is full of pictures of me where, generally, I look good, happy, and wholesome; the Disney version of Kory Baldwin. In other words, all the times I cried in the car, the times I lost my temper, the things I said I wish I hadn't...well, they don't "make the cut."

And I see it everywhere. "Just made home-made chocolate chip Cookies!!!" says the young LDS, Baptist, (what-have-you) mom with two small kids. Did she really make cookies? I'm sure she did. Did she share that little tidbit with multiple exclamation points just because she is so enamored with adding chocolate chunks to batter that she has to share it with the world? Honestly...probably not.

So, dear reader, what exactly is the motivation behind the post? And couldn't there possibly be more than one? I would say that is absolutely the case. As Patrik pointed out in the comments, she may be using FB as a digital journal. She may be so thrilled to do something for her kids that makes them happy she just wants to express it.

What other motivations might be going on behind that post? Something sinister? Almost certainly not. But is an image being cultivated? Sure. Is approval or assurance being sought? Most likely. And thus the post is likely also saying "Hey, look at me! I'm being a really good mom and doing "mom" things. I posted this at 3:15 on a Tuesday which shows I'm an at-home mom, as I ought to be. Also, I know how to bake...which implies I'm also a cook. Lastly, by baking made-from-scratch cookies you can see how much I enjoy being a homemaker and how much I take pride in it. Cuz...that's what good moms do."

Confession again: I'm no better and do the exact same...without cookies, that is. ;) My cultivated social media image may be very different, but image, not always reality, it certainly is. Look at my last ten status updates on my Facebook profile. Summed up, they are hardly more than inane chatter covering little more than movies/TV shows Michelle and I like, a restaurant, and idle chitchat with friends. Look at my photos, my Info section, my posts on others' walls and comments on their photos; more than 99% of them are positive, politically correct, and upbeat.

"But isn't being positive and upbeat a good thing?" you might say? Sure! Of course! But..is it really me? Am I positive, upbeat, and (haha) politically correct more than 99% of the time? Nope. In fact, I'm genuinely one of the most positive, naturally happy people I know and I don't come CLOSE to 99% of those things.

And thus you see the image of Kory Baldwin on my FB and Google+ profiles, not the real Kory Baldwin. I don't think this makes me bad or even a liar, nor do I think that of others. I just get tired of the charade, of using the closest thing to an open mic in my life to spew out things my Sunday School teachers would approve of rather than share anything truly meaningful to me. Doing so would just be too risky...I'll damage my "image."

Support from Unexpected Sources

About five days ago I hit the gym, both weights and cardio. In the parking lot on the way out I encountered a middle-aged gentleman I see at the gym quite regularly. We have talked many times and he has shared his competitive body building, steroid using past. I have also watched as he has successfully lost about 65 lbs over the last year.

He caught me just as he was getting out of his truck and I was entering my car. "Hold on," he said. "Look at me." I turned and looked at him and wondered what was going on. "Wow. Look at you; you've lost weight!"

He didn't stop there.

"And you've added muscle! Look at those arms. And your love-handles have gotten smaller! Way to go!"

At this point I blushed and was immediately grateful the dim light of the neon lamp above wasn't enough to show my face in dark of the evening. Blushing amongst men is a bit embarrassing in its own right.

He then continued to point out and praise my physical improvements for a solid ten minutes, happily telling me how much he thought I had changed for the better. In fact, he even asked "are you taking steroids?" I took that as a compliment and assured him that wasn't the case.

When was the last time a casual acquaintance took ten minutes of their own time just to make you feel good about yourself? (I don't do so nearly often enough.) His positive, kind words meant a great deal to me and elevated my mood for almost 24 hours, particularly because I had never talked with this man about my new diet and exercise plan. He simply noticed my improvement and took the time to encourage and congratulate me.

I want to be more like my gym friend in the parking lot. Hopefully I can be the kind of guy who, like him, lifts others even when it is not expected or necessary.