While going through storage some weeks ago I came across my missionary journal, kept during my time in the Philippines from Sept 2001 - 2003. Contained therein - as one would expect - are many personal and dearly regarded experiences that shaped much of my time in and perception of the Philippines. Of most interest, however, were not the stories relating my experiences there, but an outline written at the end of my mission projecting expectations of the years following my return to the United States. A time-line included with what I had titled the "After Mission Battle Plan" detailed personal accomplishments (such as graduating from college), status (such as temple marriage and fatherhood), and lifestyle (including career), with rough dates attached to each over a five year period. Considering that the time-line stopped at the then future age of 26, reading it at 27 was not only fun, but ultimately revealing.
I shan't bore you with excessive details from what proved to be my final entry as a missionary, but will suffice that by age 26 I expected to be done with college, happily married, and a father. I am 27 and none of those things.
The final line of the preceding paragraph, however you interpreted it, is not sad nor carries tones of disappointment or regret. In fact, it brings me to the truly humorous point of this long overdue blog entry; things don't go as planned and nothing could be more okay.
The first major change to the end-mission "battle plan" was the death of my mother one year after my return from the Philippines. Having a healthy, youthful family, I hadn't included the deaths of any relatives in the "plan" because any such event was highly unlikely. My mother contracted a rare, fast acting disease called Vasculitis, the inflammatory destruction of blood vessels by an immune system kicked into overdrive, usually as a response to infection or medication. She died within three weeks of diagnosis.
Eighteen months after my mother's death I baptized a girl I met through my brother.
Six months later we married. Six months after our wedding we were sealed in the temple (you must be a worthy church-member for a year before endowment) and twelve months after that we divorced. Divorce, or the "big D" as so many like to call it, much like Mom's death (the other "big D"), was certainly not part of the "battle plan." I count my blessings that the union did not bring a child into the world.
Moving on, I am still not a college graduate. The primary reason is my own laziness, but also some contempt for the inherent weaknesses of the system. Don't take that as a comment on the value of education - education is valuable beyond measure! - but rather an inherent "personality conflict" between myself and the importance placed on jumping hoops rather than how much you have actually learned. Is there a better way? Perhaps, but the possibility of such is a discussion to be saved for another time. Regardless of any points for or against that argument, the primary reason I remain without degree is unquestionably my own lethargy. I stand sixteen credits from a Bachelors of English as of this writing.
In summary, the biggest, most important points of my "After Mission Battle Plan" have not come true. I am not a college graduate, I'm divorced, I don't have children, and my mom happens to be unexpectedly dead. Yes, it all sounds horrible, but I promise it's not. "Life," as the adage says, "is good."
Rather than being where I thought by age 27 I am somewhere entirely different and yet surprisingly happy. You see, the "bad things" in life, both those entirely my own fault and the few beyond my control, have resulted in new worlds to explore, new views to examine, exciting options, and an unexpected lease on living.
At 27 I own a nice condo in a great neighborhood. Hundreds of hours of labor - by myself and many other generous contributors - have made my home comfortable and unique. It is finally to the point where visually I love being here and welcoming guests inside. My home is comfortable, inviting, accepting, warm and happy. There is honestly no place I would rather be. Just writing that has brightened my day.
Despite my lack of a college degree I have, through hard work, experience, serious risk taking and luck, found gainful employment I enjoy. I work with wonderful friends in an office five blocks from my condo for a company that gives me freedom to excel. I fill a position I am good at for a boss I love who appreciates my efforts and compensates me well. I cannot ask for more.
Although divorced, love has found me again in the form of a sweet, beautiful woman who loves me dearly and treats me well. Michelle is a joy to be around and few people are as positive, kind, and fun as she. I am blessed. Speaking of relationships, I do not have children at the moment - thank goodness - but look forward with delight to being a father when the time is right.
Looking back I see what I thought my future life would be as a 21-year-old missionary. Life, so much bigger and wiser than I could ever be, has taken those plans and thankfully thrown them to the wind. Watching those hopes come and go, change and evolve, has been difficult and terrifying, forcing me to grow and stretch in ways I never imagined. What a wonderful process.
Nothing like I imagined it to be, life is so far absolutely wonderful. With so many changes in a relatively short six year period, I cannot wait to see what the next fifty years will bring. Whatever happens, I know now that I can only expect the unexpected and smile with faith that life will remain beautiful. Nothing went as I had hoped...and it couldn't have gone better.
Here is wishing everyone the same.
